As anyone who read my new year's post going into 2014 knows, last winter was a very tough time personally, but I did my best to get ready for making 2014 a really wonderful year. While the first part of 2014 showed some upswing, another big storm hit my world and I'm still working my way out of that as another winter sets in.
It is definitely going to be a difficult few months and I'm not going to sugarcoat that. I really dread the holidays this time around, especially in light of this recent storm, to the point that I am thinking of bowing out of Thanksgiving and Christmas entirely. I would love for the day to come when the magic of these holidays return, as both were always holidays that gave me a ton of joy and were days I really looked forward to.
They are both the extreme opposite of that for me, at this time, and it is probably better if I just sit out than court the kind of heaviness that will come with forcing myself through "celebrations". It's not a matter of going through the motions, it truly is painful and it is hard to convey that to those who think a decision to opt out of the holidays is a bad one. I truly understand how this is such a difficult time for a great many out out there, and maybe in some ways that helps me as a writer to gain these depths of perception, as heavy as they might be.
I've been writing actively, working out harder than I have in years, progressing on the guitar, taking care of things for the press, our convention, and in general doing what I can to keep my mind occupied, but the fact remains that winter is going to bring a terrible emptiness that is impossible to avoid. The recent storm brings a rather awful sting to everything and I know I face a war to get through the next few months. I've been fighting my war largely alone here, and this period will be no exception, so it will be yet another great test when I've had my fill of tests.
How do you rally yourself again and again? I guess I just have to keep my eyes focused on one day at a time.
As always seems to be the case, the only consistent thing I can turn to these days is music, and I find myself thinking of the words in a song by a new band I found that I absolutely love. The timing certainly is appropriate, as their lyrics convey the spirit of fighting through storms, heartache and disappointment and seeing your way through. I just hope I have the strength.
“We all have a war that we face, one that tests our only strength.”
- We Will All Prevail, by Like Monroe