Yet tonight I have to give voice to others, for whom this time is a very difficult trial, a period to endure and find a way to make it through. For myself, and a great many others, it is a bitter, cold and lonely time, and for those such as us it is no exaggeration to say that demons swarm like no other time of year.
The reasons are different for many, whether they are tied to experiences of deep grief, hardships, heartbreak, or a combination of all of those, but the shadow cast over the holiday season has a similar feel for those experiencing it as a trial.
It is hard to put the feelings into words that those who have not gone through it can understand. I could speak of the heaviness of heart, the sting of the memories of the days when Christmas held magic and promise, the chill of uncertainty, and how my very spirit feels as if it is suffocating.
It does not diminish me in any way to discuss these kinds of feelings openly For better or for worse, I have never hidden who I am and I have nothing to hide. If anything, rising tomorrow and doing what I can to move forward reflects a kind of inner strength that I believe is a great attribute and something that I can draw upon for a better day.
I have not given up on seeing the dawn of a day when the magic of Christmas returns to my world. I may be a lone warrior at the moment, but I desire a family of my own. The trials I have been through will only serve to reinforce my dedication, appreciation, generosity, and joy toward that family I can truly call my own.
Somewhere in the depths of the current darkness, a certain wisdom and strength can be found. The hardships and trials of the present preparing you for a better day in the future, the setbacks and heartaches bringing you greater appreciation for the time when your heart finally finds a home.
You know you won't take that day for granted, and you also understand that you will walk each and every day in gratitude when that day is reached. The special one that takes my hand for that journey will find a depth of heart from me of a kind they may have never imagined possible, bringing with it a level of commitment, generosity, and affection that will fill their world with light and joy.
Is it hard to face a Christmas like this one, knowing that it will be yet another passing of the holiday where the magic is absent, and another year will pass before you may even have a chance to feel that magic again? Of course it is hard. Brutally hard. Incredibly difficult. But avoiding that stark reality or its harsh nature does me no good. You can only address what is, and only by facing the demons do you discover what you have to do to pull yourself up and move forward.
The skies may be churning with dense clouds of storm at the present, but I will press onward and I will make every effort to reach that place where my skies shine with the Light of a Thousand Suns. I encourage all others going through difficult Christmas to do all you can to keep moving forward. Even in the midst of the darkness, I say the magic can be found again. Give yourself that chance.