Note about the Stargazing Posts: The Stargazing posts are a special series of posts that visualize and articulate my feelings toward a genuine relationship, and what I would like to make of one. They are written in the form of letters and are both wonderful and painful to write, given how difficult my road has been in this area. In a way, they are love letters to a future I have not reached. Nevertheless, I feel they stand for something genuine and beautiful, and I have chosen to share them on my blog. Perhaps some can find a little light in them. My blog is a place to share many facets of myself, and this is one that I consider to be the most central to my being.
To my dearest Star,
As I sit in the silence of the deep night, when all has grown still, I wish upon a Star.
Magic dancing in the night skies, the stars call to the soul and beckon toward horizons unexplored. Stars generate their own light, and can fill the skies of an entire world, as does our own great star, the sun.
You are such a star, and I have faith that your Starlight will find me in its loving embrace one day. I want to say so much to you, and tonight I begin that journey. My road has been long and full of trial, and the stars themselves have often been veiled by the dark, storm-filled clouds that so often have crossed my skies.
Yet in the midst of raging thunder and driving rain, I have found strength within myself and pushed onward. Something compels me forward, to rise again whenever I slip and fall, and to continue on this path.
In the depths of my heart, I know that when your Starlight falls upon me, all the trial will be made worth it. Every sufferance will be justified. The sting of every heartache will be as nothing. Your Starlight will encompass my heart and give it the safe harbor it has longed for, for so many years.
I wonder often about the the form you will take, my Star. I wonder what color your eyes may be, as they glint with your Starlight.
I wonder what color your hair might be, as it gleams with your Starlight.
Even the sheen of your skin will give off a hint of the Starlight generated from within you. Every smile you show to me will radiate your Starlight and I only hope that what I give to you makes it all the brighter.
The darkness shrouds me but I have strength in knowing that the light of stars can pierce the deepest nights, both those of the skies and of the soul.
When I walk in your Starlight, I know that no darkness can withstand its luminance. It is because that Light is something beyond time and space, and is something of the infinite.
Until then, I will hold to thoughts of you and push onward with all the strength I have, and I will keep building upon that strength. I know you are worth every effort and every trial, for you are the spark of a wondrous new universe.
may your Starlight find me soon,
your loyal Stargazer